Positive celebration of displays of generosity!

Posted on December 25, 2012 by Imnotgoing Sideways

I been quiet a long time.  Might as well ramble about something or other. (=_=)

I’m starting to linger in SL a bit more lately.  Guild Wars 2 has become a little ‘meh’ since about level 70.  Though, it’s still bloody fun at times.  It’s surely something I’ll stay casual with.  SL, on the other hand, is still my virtual home. (^_^)

It’s been nice to see so many people flooding each others’ inventories with images and objects resembling holiday cards.  I sent out my card to everyone on my friends list.  It’s a personal tradition that many others have.  But, one thing I been thinking about was that these cards are actually a bit more meaningful and personal than the ones being traded in RL. (o.o)

Think about it.  The cards we usually give are from Hallmark(tm) or what have you.  They’re pre-printed with pre-chosen quips, quotes, and statements.  All we’re doing is picking the attractive ones from a shelf of hundreds.  Maybe you’ll find one with a hole in it to stick a family photo.  But, in the end, they’re all bulk printed stock with the same selection in each and every store.  If you’re not careful, you may even give someone the exact same card 2 years in a row.  (>_<)

But, in SL, we’ve kind of brought the personality back.  There doesn’t seem to be a market for gift card imagery in a world of generally creative people.  We have all made our own cards which we share.  Now, it may just be one card each year sent to everyone, but we put the effort into finding or creating a image and sticking our own quote or quip on it.  I personally arrange a self-photo session, usually trying to out-do my previous one.  I mull over something silly to say over it, usually in attempt to make a skimpy clothing joke.  In the end, it’s something I worked on and created.  And, I’m not the only one! (^_^)

I see it as part of the virtual world which as allowed us to be a bit more real.  It’s an opportunity usually missed in life that we’re able to explore thanks to this technology.  Pretty frigg’n cool, I say. (^_^)y

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You’s Trollin’n! DX

Posted on October 27, 2012 by Imnotgoing Sideways

My cat… Loli… I have come to the conclusion that she’s a troll. (O.o)

Why do I say this?  Well, there’s two versions of Loli that I see.  One for me and one for my partner.  (o.O)

For me, we troll each other.  One minute I’m poking her in the head or spinning her on a slick spot on the floor.  Another, she’s pouncing on my leg and grabbing on for the kill.  We have a mutual agreement of what is playful and we torment each other day in and day out. =^-^=

For my partner… Well… Suddenly Loli is always in the mood to find higher ground and seeks out things to chew on.  Anything is game and all my partner can do is yell or call out my name.  Funny thing, once I show up, Loli finds a safe spot, squats, and plays innocent.  Of course, I know and she knows I know to my partner is left guessing and frustrated. XD

What it boils down to is that I think my partner doesn’t “get” the kind of fun Loli and I have.  As a reaction, Loli finds things that riles things up and provides the same kinds of fun without the same kinds of reciprocation she gets from me.  In the end, I have a blast, she has a blast, and my partner is left with the frustration of dealing with a cat which just won’t behave. (^_^)

… Or at least behave as expected. XD

… But only when I’m not around! XD

This all reminds me of certain someones I know in SL.  I won’t name names, but, the crowd I consider fun tend to treat me well.  But, when left alone with certain other someones, all hell breaks loose.  Of course, one of these certain someones (to be left unnamed) is much like my partner… Constantly irritated to no end of our presence and desperately seeking ways to end this irritation. (>_<)

Really, it’s just that we tend to have different ideas of “fun”.  And, right now, Loli is shoving herself between the blinds again to reach a window best left unreached! XD

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… or maybe Guild Wars 2? (o.o)

Posted on September 17, 2012 by Imnotgoing Sideways

I still contend that I’m not a gamer.  WoW made me bored and confused within an hour.  Eve is okay when I can steer clear of PvP yet still rat some quality NPCs.  Aion is good because I can make my character small and cute, but the closer I get to level 20, the more I dread running into PvPers.  I still like my Tarutaru in FFXI, though much of the fun is too hard to achieve without friends. (>_<)

So, new game.  I didn’t quite know it was a new game.  But, anyway, Guild Wars 2 came out a week or two ago… I guess.  And I been having fun.  I picked an Asura Elemetalist who invented some teleporter thingie.  What’s that mean? (o.o)

Well, Asura are the little cute ones.  Almost rodent-like with the most intellect of any character in the game… And egos to match. (>.>)

An Elementalist is someone who can cast spells based on 4 elements; Fire, Water, Wind, and Stone.  So, combat comes with a lot of flashy splash-foom-zap-kaboom. (^_^)

The invention ties in to what I guess is my character’s personal story.  This teleporter thingie just barely works and someone else claims the patent to it.  Of course, like any valid patent holder, they’re resorting to extortion, theft, and kidnapping to prove their point… (O.o)

All in all, there’s a lot to do.  I like the whole events thing where a small section of the map goes all out chaos.  If you contribute to making the most things go boom, you get awarded a bunch of experience and monies. (^_^)

I paid bunches for this game, so, I really want to get my dollar out of it.  So far so good.  I take breaks to log in to SL and see if any friends are around.  Since nobody notices me, I go back to the game.  I like being this cute. (^_^)

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I am Deenga on the Isle of Janthir server. (^_^)

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Eye on Aion (>.>)

Posted on September 10, 2012 by Imnotgoing Sideways

Given, I’m kind of running out of things to do in SL, I been playing games a bit more.  I got Minecraft but found that I simply take survival mode a little too literally.  Like, I get to the point where I can survive (food, housing, bed) and get stuck in a rut.  Creative mode bores me, so, meh. (-_-)

I have a Tarutaru on Final Fantasy XI.  I’ve put a lot of play time into her with a level 50 Summoner in dire need of a limit break.  Since I’m so bad at making friends, I can’t quite go on the quest to complete that… (._.)

Eve Online gives me a few ways to waste time, but, the whole sci-fi vibe just isn’t for me.  Same goes for Star Trek Online. (>_<)

Where I’m having most fun right now is playing Aion.  Instead of being my usual healer preference, I chose a Sorcerer role.  With my friends gone, I figured I’d have to get a character which can solo better.  The sorcerer’s ability to make stuff go boom fits that task well. (^_^)

While in SL, I been staying around NCI a bit more often.  I still really like SL in spite of my ruined friendships there.  NCI’s Kuula location continues to offer fun and creative people to chat with, so I can’t complain too much.  Just this passed week, Thinkerer posted on his blog about the place.  Thanks for that. (^_^)

I don’t mean to be so quiet.  I’ve just been stuck in my head lately. (._.)

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It still ain’t a game… (>.>)

Posted on August 16, 2012 by Imnotgoing Sideways

So, the announcement today.  SL has gone Steam Powered.  Well, ain’t that just special!? (=_=)

Though, I don’t quite yet know what it means.  To me, SL still ain’t a game, but, with this combination there will be a whole new flood of newbies joining SL and expecting gameplay. (>_<)

An old statement I use to discourage people calling SL a game comes from an observation I have from years worth of volunteering and helping newbies: “If you come to SL expecting a game, you’re bound to be disappointed.”  Now, that’s not 100% true, but, it’s as common as sand at the beach.  So many people come asking how to play this ‘game’ only to get really ticked off by us pointing out to them that they can do anything.  (O.o)

Really, anything and everything isn’t what they want.  Many gamers want a tutorial to a formula of gameplay which yields instant gratification.  SL doesn’t offer that.  RPG players or people familiar with RP style gameplay tend to seek a ‘job’ first.  Thinking there are the same pre-proportioned tasks available to provide ingame/inworld wealth. (=_=)

Oh, how we disappoint them.  Mostly offering the advice that there isn’t anything you’re really ~REQUIRED~ to do in SL.  In addition to the money system being based on real money exchange rates based on buyers buying money from anonymous sellers in a semi blind market.  So, no, there ain’t any ‘jobs’ like the ones they’re expecting.  (._.)

So, what do we do with them?  What does the future hold for the TF2 PvP junkies in SL?  Will every region have to have it’s own Capture The Flag mode?  Will vehicles be in greater demand?  Will rules against gunplay have to go lax? … Jeebus, this is gonna get crazy, ain’t it? (O.o)

 

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Me, learning to be me…

Posted on July 24, 2012 by Imnotgoing Sideways

Imnotgoing: I miss everyone. I wish they would take me back.
I don’t know what I can do to be with the group again.

Sent at 10:40 AM on Tuesday
*****: I’d give you advice there but I really do somewhat think you would get frustrated and crack again since the group still idles as much as usual, plus a lot of current strains exist in the group now that you will innevitably blaim yourself for somehow when they crack and shatter, even though the problems have nothing to do with you… and you will break even more.
The last time we talked you seemed a lot better, but… There’s still quite a bit of self lothing going on with you in my eyes, I can just see you making their problems your fault again
and there are so many…

Imnotgoing: The antipsychotic I was on was making me too sleepy. I’m coming back off of it and starting to feel like crap again.

*****: I see,

Sent at 10:50 AM on Tuesday
*****: hmm… well anyway group chat with them may be a negative step right now. Though one on one conversations should be fine… well as long as said person isnt harboring bad impressions anyway… complicated… Arg!!! that act you did a while back really messed things up you know!
if it just wasnt for that one rage event…
…sigh~

Imnotgoing: I was panicking and _____ was triggering me.
If anything, I have to assume this is the way she wants it.
I was a lot of trouble for a long time.
As much as I hate it, maybe I belong alone.

*****: no not really… though it’s far to complex to explain.
… you know to the last moments she was still finding outfits you might like.
_____’s way of showing friendship is wierd, it’s inconclusive, but it is there. Though it can be tough to face.

Imnotgoing: I’m muted and banned.

*****: well you did spam her chat with achiving that intention in mind ^ ^;;

Imnotgoing: No intention.
Take that back.

*****: well what aim did you have when you spammed her chat, I’m sure you had a clear idea exactly what would happen if you did correct?

Imnotgoing: I was aimless, panicking, beyond my own control.

Sent at 11:08 AM on Tuesday
Imnotgoing: What aim did she have when she approached my fears with: http://darkly-cute.com/blog/?p=534
She told me I’m incapable of having friends.
I was at work.
9am, I was at the office.

Sent at 11:13 AM on Tuesday
*****: she was being pressured and was reaching an end, I’ll tell you this now, I had to calm her down a number of times in the lead up to that day… She really didnt know what to do.

Imnotgoing: Do about what? She was very confident to me.

*****: people put up a front even to friends, and _____ puts up the biggest front of all… she isnt as strong as she appears, and her presence at the time this was all happening was becoming more and more erratic

Imnotgoing: I don’t believe that. She knows how to get what she wants, no matter what.

Sent at 11:21 AM on Tuesday
*****: I’m sure I’ve touched on this before, but I guess this is gonna be hard to understand for someone as open and honest as yourself… and if you really think she got what she wanted think again! She didnt spend years with you just to get a few bits of help regarding parts of SL she didnt understand, then discard you like a rag… she so honestly wanted to help, enjoyed certain topics of conversation that people like me couldnt have, even I was jelous at how close you were at times over the years. Seriously nothing was done lightly!!!

Imnotgoing: Yet, here I am. Discarded.

Sent at 11:29 AM on Tuesday
*****: hmm, lets say you have a work collegue that was struggling with an important project, the sort that when completed would make a few things easier for you but, for the most part, completely unrelated to you and your needs. You decide to help them with this project to help see its completion, but it’s really hard and its not within your field of expertise.

Sent at 11:48 AM on Tuesday
*****: this person accepts your help willingly but puts you in a possition of reliance dispite your lack of expertise and then starts piling on the pressure onto you, this person’s one ray of hope (as the person sees it) in getting the project done.

Imnotgoing: I don’t feel as though friendship can be as cold and clear cut as a work environment.

*****: suddenly your getting hounded for results, it’s a struggle, you dont know what to do, you want to help but its hard, it’s out of your area of knowlege.
the pressure starts to effect your everyday life, others begin to notice and advise distance.

Imnotgoing: So, you pretend to be the expert of the position at hand until the last moment when you decide to crack and press the red button.

*****: … this is what I’m seeing happening.. and social and business practices go hand in hand

Imnotgoing: That’s cold.
I don’t think of anyone as a work task.
I seek friends for companionship. Not to get jobs done.

*****: ah did I not mention it as a voluntery aid?
but this was just an example to give you an idea

Imnotgoing: It’s a frightening example which could kill my belief that friendship is about finding people dear to you and caring about them.

*****: … I suppose by this standard then that assisting a friend with their blender projects oto you is a form of “work” then?

Imnotgoing: Really, am I pouring my heart out to people who see me as a volunteer task?

*****: to*

Imnotgoing: Is that it? Am I some charity case just to be tolerated?
Has this all been out of pity and guilt?

*****: mou~ I already said it didnt I? did you forget what I said already, it’s not been that long!!!

Imnotgoing: Then what are you talking about right now?

*****: “…enjoyed certain topics of conversation that people like me couldnt have, even I was jelous at how close you were at times over the years.”

Imnotgoing: You’re comparing friendship to work. Volunteer work, at that.
Maybe I’m just crazy, but, I prefer to be someone who lives from the heart.
I’m a 6′ tall overweight American behemuth who will openly cry at a movie.
I will care about those directly in front of me and fight intensely against my fears to be good to them.

*****: immy… I said it was an example… and an objective between friends that requires effort to achive is still an objective set ahead of time that takes effort to obtain.

Imnotgoing: That sounds cold.
It seems a very logical way to explain the illogical.

*****: … thats how I’m minded.

Imnotgoing: I see friendship as illogical.
“A friend is someone who knows all about you and loves you anyway” – Elbert Hubbard.

Sent at 12:06 PM on Tuesday
Imnotgoing: “[Being a friend is] the ability to be oneself, expressing one’s feelings and making mistakes without fear of judgement” – Wikipedia… Even the internet has a heart about the subject.
Maybe I am wrong, though.
It would explain how I lost them.
Maybe I simply know nothing about friendship and just used people.
Maybe I’m supposed to be alone.
Maybe I’m where I belong right now.
It’s noon time in California on a cloudless warm day, yet my only light source is a computer screen.
I don’t have to like it.
I just have to accept.
This is my place.

Sent at 12:12 PM on Tuesday
*****: ~sigh~ feel free to paist this conversation on a blog, perhaps you’ll see some expansion on a lot of points, (not including the more personal parts about _____ of course)

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