I’m not shy… (._.)

I’m only recently coming to a realization.  I’m still confused but I’ve had difficulty making sense of myself for quite a while.  My best guess for myself is that I’m not shy.  Neither am I an introvert.  I want to talk with people, make friends, and be in the crowds.  But that’s where things fall apart. (>_<)

If you ain’t seen it, here’s what I say in my profile…

I’m not as outgoing as I may seem. I’m actually dealing with quite a bit of social anxiety. I tend to do well on forums and crowded groups. I can just sort of “be there” without demanding any one person’s focus or having any one person in my focus.

Usually when faced with any one-on-one contact, I can get very tense.

I don’t roleplay. Not that I can’t or I won’t. I just don’t. The kinds of interactions that come with roleplay trigger some of my worst

If I’m not sending IMs or even not responding to IMs I get, it’s not because I don’t want to talk. It’s more likely that I’m just afraid and probably over-thinking a lot of things. The more I consider you a friend, the more I tend to over-think things.

This doesn’t grant me a free pass to be a jerk. If I am being a jerk, feel free to call me out on it.

Long story, short: I’m not ignoring you. If you have been my friend, you still are my friend. My silence is a matter of anxiety and fear.

Please don’t misunderstand.

… and that covers it. (._.)

See, the thing is the more time I’m spending with people, the higher my anxiety drives.  The worst parts of my mind take over and I start seeking out a means of escape.  Not knowing whether my presence or absence would be more of a burden to others, I can really start to freak out inside… And that’s even after I’ve found a way to be around people. (>_<)

Getting there can be the hardest part.  For anyone who follows my profile feed, it can be too difficult to notice that a majority of my pictures come from my room in my main SL house.  Odds are, I’m really actually waiting.  I can see a person or two on my friends list who I’d really like to visit.  But as much as I want to, I just can’t get beyond myself to reach out to them.  So, I’m stuck.  At the same time, I’m being an indirect burden by holding this expectation that they’d reach out to me.  So, it’s like a lose-lose.  If I’m with them, I’m a burden through the tension I build around me.  If I’m away, I’m a burden because they know I’m here but unsure of where I really want to be. (._.)

All in all, I make for a pretty horrid friend.  Worst of all, I don’t even know what to do about it.  I’ve been to social anxiety group therapy where I basically learned that the anxiety I feel while in the group interferes with the intended treatment of the anxiety I’m there for in the first place. (>_<)

I’m sure this makes me annoying to be around and likely due to the bulk of pictures in my profile coming from one cluttered little room.  If I could find a way to be better for the people I want to be around, I’d take it. (._.)

I’m not shy.  I’m just freaking out. (._.)

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I’m Not Nice (^_^)

[17:17] Conners: (Saved Sat Mar 21 17:00:03 2015)I sent the same snotty profane email to the whole gang of miscreants at NCI. You just thought you were special. lulz
[17:19] Immy: Oh, so you think we’re all responsible for your client settings? (o.O)
[18:21] Conners: ok, I will talk reaaaally slowly. I have disabled notifications from SL in this SL account weeks ago . . . but . . . your whole gang keeeeeeps sending me notifications . . . . . . . MAYBE IF YOU JUST REMOVE CONNERS FROM YOUR GROUP ALL THIS MADNESS WILLLLLLLLLL EEEEEEEENNNNNNND . . . . . OOOOOO
[18:23] Immy: You’re suggesting the impossible. If you really disabled notifications, you wouldn’t be getting them. (^_^)
[18:40] Conners: With Linden Labs no fuck up is impossible. ok I just made it up to waste a lot of time cuz I have nothing else to do. :-O
[18:41] Immy: No. I think you actually are doing it wrong and are too arrogant to admit to your own mistake so you’re projecting on those around you. (^_^)
[18:47] Conners: lol now that’s funny. That would be the pot calling the kettle black . . . :*)?
[18:49] Immy: No, it wouldn’t be. I’m not wrong about this. (^_^)
[19:01] Conners: ok Immy, You are right and I am wrong. I just made it up. You win! =D>
[19:02] Immy: Doesn’t matter to me. Just fix your settings before complaining. (^_^)
[19:06] Conners: Jesus OCD much? 8^
[19:09] Immy: Naw. Just hoping you’ll fix your settings instead of asking people to solve your problems for you. (^_^)

====

Not sure if he responded since.  I kinda quit paying attention. =^-^=

In other topics, blue LEDs make everything cooler. (^_^)y

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NSFW! =^-^=

I would like to thank Google for reminding me why I pay for my server space. (^_^)y

yande.re 109240 bikini breasts nipples pussy swimsuits t2_art_works tan_lines tony_taka uncensored undressing

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War Machine! (^_^)

Well, derp!  Where I have been?  Dunno.  Just kind of distracted, I think. (>.>)

But, one thing happened lately.  My graphics card went all kaboom. (>_<)

So, how does one replace a GTX580 Classified?  Well, with a GTX980 Classy, no? =^-^=

So, I got the speedy new card and started poking at the clock to see what I could squeeze out of it.  While I was at it, I decided to play with the voltages and clock of my CPU as well. (^_^)

Eventually, I got the CPU clocked stable to 4.5GHz.  And GPU is just skirting 1.5GHz.  Plenty fast for my junkbox.  But… Well… I ran the Unigine Valley Benchmark and my fans got annoyingly loud. (>_<)

Oh, and, running Prime95 would send my CPU totally into thermal shutdown in under a minute. (>_<)

So, yeah, hot.  HAWT, I TELL YOU! DX

As usual, I decided to solve this problem by throwing some money at it. (^_^)

End result has me running a big ol’ pump into a Phobia waterblock, then an AlphaCool Monsta 120 radiator, then*, then another AlphaCool Monsta radiator… This time a 240. (^_^)

What’s with the *, you ask?  Well… There isn’t yet a full-card waterblock for a GTX980 Classy.  It’s a big frigg’n board compared to the reference and most other customs…  But, I hear one is coming out on Tuesday. (^_^)

So, that * fills a void which will be my graphics card’s waterblock. (^_^)

It’s already running tons better.  To start, it actually RUNS Prime95.  That’s a start, no?  =^-^=

Beyond that, it’ll run it for well over an hour without a glitch.  Time to start poking at that clock again. (^_^)

Also, for looksies, I added some chassis lights.  Now, not regular every day lights.  NEOPIXELS!!! XD

If you don’t know, NeoPixels are some trick little RGB LED strips available from AdaFruit.  Each LED along the strip can be assigned a colour at any given moment. So, I got to work with some Arduino code to drive them according to an analogue input. (^_^)

Stick a thermistor circuit to that analogue input and suddenly I have a heat-map-ish colourful display of the computer’s current temperature. (^_^)

What comes from this is dim and dark blues for room temperature times, like bootup.  Then it goes to cyan and green and yellow, and orange finally to red.  So, depending on any given load, I can get a really quick eyeshot of how warm my machine’s guts are getting. (^_^)

But, what happens after red?  I mean, it kind of is entering the realm of overheat at that point.  Well, I worked that out too.  CHAOS MODE!!! XD

If the temperature passes red in any way, it starts flickering and blinking.  The further it goes, the more intense the flickering gets and the more the other colours start popping in to add to the show. (^_^)

It also has a couple PWM outputs driven by temperature.  Someday I’ll make a driver circuit so that I can use it as a fan speed control.  But, for now, blinky lights do the trick. (^_^)

Here’s a collection of pics of my ghetto-fab computer box. =^-^=

DSC03840

This is a shot in the side.  Still plenty of fans going, but, all nearly noiseless. (^_^)

DSC03844

Here’s cool green mode.  Generally it’s this colour at idle or when watching Youtubes. (^_^)

DSC03845

Warm orange comes about after about a half hour of Prime95 or a plenty long SL session. (^_^)

DSC03847

Finally, a shot of teh gutz.  The 120 radiator hangs from fan screws through the case.  Interestingly enough, the case has pre-cut holes and ferrules to run hose through.  They aren’t perfectly aligned, but, not crooked enough to be a problem either. (^_^)

Also, the 120 radiator is on 1/4″ spacers.  So, the case fan still blows out and through the radiator.  But, the radiator also has a pull fan hooked up to a speed controlled fan jack.  So, they can fight it a little with the gap letting air go where it pleases. (^_^)

The 240 is up front.  So far they’re fixed speed fans.  They’ll be what I speed control by the Arduino in the coming future. =^-^=

So, there be it!  I ain’t got overheats to worry about any more.  Once that GPU waterblock comes out, things gonna get reeeeeally quiet. (^_^)y

 

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Blen-Durrrrr! (o.o)

Okay, so, yeah… It’s been a long time since I said anything here.  Stuff kinda happened.  Work got really fun lately.  Netflix.  And I been watching 100 too many Blender tutorial vids. (^_^)

I really wish I could get NextGen Gallery to behave.  It would be easier to show this stuff off. (=_=)

Anyway, SL has been pretty cool lately.  Kind of quiet, though.  Not sure what to make of that.  But, considering I tend to be afraid of everyone I know, I guess that’s to be expected. (>_<)

But, Blender! XD

So, I been having a blast with Blender and cycles rendering.  Especially making shinies. =^-^=

Most of the times I been sticking with the most basic of shapes and a texture here’n there.  Doing it mostly for fun, so, I haven’t really … Well, I don’t quite know how to do complex stuff, really. (O.o)

Anyway, stuff rendered in cycles is really cool.  I been making all kinds of things with different shapes to see how reflections and such behave.  I even did some fluid stuffs. (^_^)

For SL, I’m making an attempt at a rigging.  I expect to break things really soon, so, who knows if I’ll ever be able to upload it.  For one, when using Avastar, how would I rig 3 to 4 LOD models and have them come out the same? (O.o)

Once I figure that, I’ll have me one trippy barely-there plugsuit. =^-^=

Here’s the project in action. (^_^)

SpinalPlugSuitPresentation

… And here’s some of the stuff I been doing in cycles. (^_^)

Metalismiley SplotchyGlassOverMercury GlassyBoxes

LooksDangerous LumpyJar RainbowSmileyH

SmileyRoom DCSmileyGlare JelloSmiley

Why yes.  I am quite bored… (=_=)

 

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Bored And Annoyed, or Why have all SL Eye UVs stunk? (O.o)

So, yeah… (=_=)

I spent a long time looking for an eye UV I could trust.  The most I could find were blurry, off center, or just a stolen eye texture from wherever. (>_<)

Plus, the last time I saw one that got the top/bottom relationship right, it was still a misaligned mess. (>_<)

So, out of boredom and annoyance, I do present…

Immy’s Evil SL Avatar Eye Template! =^-^=

That’s all.  It’s got the raw UV from the SL model and a few guides on where to place the iris and lens… And markers for the sideways top thing that SL eyes just plain got. (=_=)

So, yeah, there it is.  PNG and PSD format.  Not so sure about the PSD, though.  I use an Jasc PSP8 and the exporter could be insanely outdated. (>_<)

Oh, yeah, and they’re big.  Like 1024×1024 big.  So, when getting legit eyes ready for upload, go for something like 128×128 or 256×256.  They aren’t going to take up more than 25×25 pixels of screen space most of the time, anyway.  (^_^)

Enjoy! (^_^)y

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