Open letter to those I have battled (^_^)

I was thinking about naming names and going down a list but, moments after I typed out the title I kind of realized that my relationship with each is pretty much the same battle.  So, instead, I’ll do it in one message starting with:

To [You know who you are] (^_^)  (( << See what I did there? =^-^= ))

I don’t actually have any problem with you, as a person.  I don’t dislike you.  I don’t wish harm upon you.  And, while I do enjoy the times I see you get your comeuppance, I get no pleasure in watching you suffer. (^_^)

At the same time, I have a HUGE problem with your opinion of me.  Particularly because you like to treat it like fact.  You try to think you know me, without addressing me directly.  You assume the worst of me while I just sit here, head tilted, eyebrow raised, and wondering ‘WTF?’. (O.o)

Get this: I’m as human as you are.  If you were to shut the hell up over your skewed opinion of me, I’m sure we’d find we have quite a bit in common and that we might actually get along quite well.  Consider the other people that get along with me.  Can you really fault them?  Can you really say that they have marginalized their grasp on humanity so much that they’ve turned to associating with this beast of your fantasies?  They’re your friends too, you know.  (=_=)

Get this: I don’t hate you.  Or, moreso, I don’t hate.  Okay, sure, I’ve been guilty of a f**kton of self hatred (why am I censoring myself on my own blog?), but, I’ve pretty much documented and publicized the beginning of my mental recovery.  In my current state, I’m feeling pretty good.  I’m creative again, my moods are far more stable, times now are pretty good.  Oh, but, I’ve digressed… This is about you… [reset] I really don’t hate.  If I’m in social combat with you, it’s over your words, not you.  I appreciate you.  I would never have problem sharing a conversation with you.  But, that’s just it.  Sharing.  I won’t feed off your negative monologues.  I won’t cave in to your vilification.  And, when you say something that I believe to be untrue, I’ll surely call you on it. (^_^)

Get this: You’re only hurting yourself.  The stress, anger, worry, and fear is all on you.  It wears away at your psyche.  At the same time, expressing your disdain about me may impress your hand selected sycophants, but, the remainder of the population simply see you as being very foolish.  And, your foolishness has not gone un-punished.  I’ve watched you get suspended, ejected, shunned, shot down, and cornfielded.  I haven’t been the cause of it.  I’m just sitting here wondering WTF is going on and why you can’t just relax, live, and let live. (-_-)

Get this: I’m not your self-hating sucker anymore.  Therapy, counseling, and Wellbutrin have all helped me adjust my way of thinking.  I have a far healthier view of myself.  I realize that I have friends because I’m a good person.  People protect me from harassment because they see redeeming features in me.  People buy my stuff, ask for advice, and ask for help because they value my creativity, knowledge, and resourcefulness.  If you asked me to say these things 6 months ago, I would have flipped out and fallen into a spiral of denial.  Well, screw that.  I’m getting the help I need to repair myself and going through with it.  And, I’m feeling pretty darned good about my progress so far. (^_^)

Get this: I don’t need you.  While it does trouble me that you have such an intensely bitter view of who/what I am, I’m not going to allow that to define me.  I am myself.  I am my “self”.  Your opinion of me is your problem and yours alone.  And, yes, it is a problem.  If you don’t think so, you’re suffering from the same level of denial I have been for probably the past 15 years. (>_<)

Get this: I trust.  Simple, no?  Everyone gets a chance with me.  But, burn me and expect to get burned back.  I have been friends with a lot of people.  Each and every one of them has been good to me.  What they do with their own life and liberty is their business.  Who I choose to spend my time with and associate with is my determined choice for my own reasons alone. (^_^)

Get this: I’m actually rather shy.  Did you know that I almost never introduce myself to anyone?  Did you know that I almost never request friendship?  Did you know that practically everyone I have associated with came to me?  I’m not a ‘people seeker’.  In regards to my friends who may be trouble makers, I’m not a pandering crony to them.  In regards to my friends who exceedingly upstanding, I’m not trying to reverse-osmosis any reputation from them.  Again, they came to me.  Or, they simply happened upon me.  Such is fate and random chance. (^_^)

So… Get over it.  I’m doing so.  It’s not my fault you behave like a wretchedly bitter prick.  I can’t change you.  And, if you’re not willing to change, that’s no skin off my back.  I got mine and I don’t need you. (^_^)

Hugs and love, from Frigg’n Immy. (^_^)y

(( Heh… I’m at work right now.  Maybe I should do some! =^-^= ))

About Imnotgoing Sideways

I'm a Second Life avatar with my own cookie jar! (^_^)y
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8 Responses to Open letter to those I have battled (^_^)

  1. Crap Mariner says:

    Okay, OKAY! I get the hint.

    I’ll stop bashing you mercilessly and cruelly because of my own shortcomings and insecurities.

    When the voices in my head shout KILL KILL KILL I’ll just say “Meh.” and go for a walk.

    Group hug?

    -ls/cm <3

  2. Imnotgoing Sideways says:

    … And the sergeant came over, pinned a medal on you, sent you down the hall, and said “you’re our boy!” (^_^)

  3. Ghosty Kips says:

    You’re still a drama queen, though. :p

  4. brinda Allen says:

    Such drama! Heh Heh=^..^=
    Yup…we met by accident, and every question I’ve ever had you answered graciously.

    A Quote from a favorite author, Richard Bach:
    “Live never to be ashamed if anything you do or say is published around the world- even if what is published is not true”

    OK, I promise…No more cutting you down!!!

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  6. Asami says:

    Well said!
    *hugs* This is everything we’ve been trying to get you to understand for so long :3 I… think I’m getting the sniffles a little.

  7. Dale Innis says:

    Great to hear you being all happy an’ rational an’ stuff! :)

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