Your Mileage May Vary. (^_^)y

I see a cute little snarkmeister on the Blogorums right now.  He’s pointing out his version of reality as a tool to belittle people who are “interested” in Second Life.  Bloody frigg’n putz.  So, say “Hi” to britishrocker for me, kaykayz? (^_^)

Either way, I didn’t have to think hard to come up with my snarky quip. =^-^=

But… When I say what I think without thinking, I really mean what I say.  When it’s written down, I get a second chance to look at it and wonder WTF was on my mind when I wrote that. (O.o)

Real life requires far more pretending than Second Life does.  To me, it’s not interesting.  It’s liberating.  Your mileage may vary. (^_^)y

Well, isn’t that just special? =^-^=

But, that ~IS~ it, isn’t it?  Like… Second Life, in itself, is not interesting at all.  While volunteering, I think I’ve been saying that all along, just with different wording.  Things like “You get from SL what you put in” or my favorite… When someone asks “What can I do here?” …

“Anything.  Everything. (^_^)y” is my answer. =^-^=

I’m only half joking with that response.  Pretty bold statement, though, huh? =^-^=

There there’s the way I view myself in SL.  I have an avatar in SL just as much as I have a body in RL.  To me, for the sake of my being, there’s very little that separates the two.  I mean, sure, the RL body is pretty much the one keeping me alive, takes precedence in this moment of physical presence, and determines how people view who and what I am in real life.  But, that doesn’t make my body “me” in any way.  In my dreams, I am still “me” yet the majority of my body is not used to experience the event.  (^_^)

So… How can I be “me”? (O.o)

Some people like to be observational and read books or watch movies.  Yes, I believe that the act of reading or watching is an expression of who and what you are.  I’m no psychologist/psychiatrist, but, I see a desire for non-physical involvement and maybe a bit of omnipotence to round things out.  Heh, thinking about it… While reading, you’re the “god” of the story. XD

It may be that your self is in harmony with yourself.  Or, that you haven’t found the outlet for your self to come out.  Or… You’re allowing someone to manipulate you since you have decided that they know the self you’re looking for better than you do.  Who knows?  It’s probably not all that much worth thinking about.  (-_-)

But, hey… I’ve got some free time on my hands. =^-^=

So, Second Life.  I said it’s not interesting.  Well… It’s not.  To the root, it’s a collection of digital triangles formed to simulate squares and circles at varying angles.   Bleh.  What’s the draw?  (O.o)

Our selves. (^_^)

Someone who’s self is an artist may create many things, beautiful and not so beautiful.  In SL, they can do it with ease and expand their self in ways unfathomable out here in the world.  People who can appreciate that self will come to visit and gaze at the results of their expression.  For some examples in the extreme… take a look at people like AM Radio and Arcadia Asylum.  Their creations were not only the results of skillsets, training, or what we call talent… Their selves come through too.  Be it through masterful use of prims and effects and/or textures and illusion. (^_^)

Liberating. (^_^)

Liberating! Xd

I called it ~liberating~.  Second Life is Liberating.  Art is not everyone’s expression of self.  So, not everyone is going to be an artist.  But, for whatever their self is, SL allows it to be expressed and liberated. (^_^)

I’ve said it before.  I’ll say it again.  My avatar is my me that’s more “me” than I can be in real life. =^-^=

It’s always my half-joke.  I often respond saying that RL is the game, it’s my RL avatar that’s the fake, and stuff like that.  It’s not meant to be a depressing thing or a form of self loathing.  But, what it is, is when I see the cards that nature laid out for me… I don’t see my self. (>_<)

I’m not really very fat or ugly or anything otherwise, but, I feel as though I don’t fit in here.  My “me” is restricted from being expressed in the real world due to “social norms”, cultural morality, and limitations in medical technology.  But, well, that’s how the cookie crumbles.  Gladly my visual self allows enough of my “me” out to find success in life and finances.  Though, it wasn’t quite enough for me to find happiness. (._.)

In comes computers.  These little heat-producing, light blinking, buzzer buzzing devices gave me a glimpse of what my self could be.  I interacted very well with them.  I still do.  Since before I was a teen, a computer was used to be an extension of my self. (^_^)

Come back a few years later and this Second Life thing comes about.  “Your World.  Your Imagination.”… ten dollars.  DERP!  I wasn’t exactly ready to dump money into online stuff at the time. DX

By the time I was aware that accounts could be opened for free, I started an account.  As my personal norm, it had a screwy name.  (^_^)

Things didn’t go so well.  My computer really couldn’t cut it, framerates were super slow.  I landed in a welcome area that was far from welcoming.  What few people I could have considered friends were constantly clashing with me, or I them, and it didn’t take very long for me to say FSK it, log out, and walk away. (._.)

Still… I felt as though I could be something, just, not in the way I found at first. (._.)

Come late 2007, my main computer starts getting royally unstable and practically unable to power on.  Time to replace it.  I tossed a couple thousand dollars at NewEgg and got some parts to shove together in hope of making something that didn’t spark and burn the moment I turn it on. (^_^)

With that out of the way, I take another look at SL.  Quite tired of waiting for Playstation Home to come out of closed beta, what the hey, I ain’t got nuth’n to lose. (^_^)

Well… I lost my password. (._.)

Okay, make a new account… Surname list… “Sideways” Heh, stupid name.  Oh well… Just a tossable account until I find my password… “Imnotgoing” HA! Silly! And nobody got it before me! XD

Spending some time thinking about what I did wrong the last time around, I made some changes to my AV.  Far shorter, practically child-like, surely creepy.  After that was months of me hopping around, bugging people, chatting, friending, and wondering why people say SL is so big when all I can see is a quad with 20 people in it totally surrounded by grass… (O.o)

I got beyond that and met more people.  I continued to feel quite at ease, more and more as time passed.  While letting my personality scream, I was refining my appearance.  One slider here or there.  I honestly don’t quite know when I stopped.  I just started making less and less adjustments as I’ve seen things and figured they’re not worth moving. (^_^)

But, why can’t I just move ~this~ slider? … Well, that would change things and I wouldn’t be me anymore.  I’m always having to up-size hair, so why can’t I just shrink my head a bit? … Well, that would change things and I wouldn’t be me…  “me”… Oh, crap. I’m calling the petite little digital crud “me”. (=_=)

But, why not?  There were things I always wanted to say.  In RL I’ve had to stay silent.  In SL, I could spout about it.  There were things I always wanted to wear.  Hmmm… I’ll spare y’all.  There’s something about “me” that clicks every time I step into this creepy little bugger.  (^_^)

And, I’m like… That’s it! Isn’t it?  (O_O)

My little hyper self can spring out of this towering lurching shell and flip the FSK out. XD

What happened? (O.o)

Ooooh yeaaaah… I don’t have this “image” to maintain.  I’ve re-created my own image in SL.  But, it’s not the image of my physical form.  Far from it.  It’s who and what I actually am.  The scrubby little psychopath with a fascination for electronics, structures, and the physical workings of things.  (^_^)

Hang on… Ain’t that what I do for my RL career? (O.o)

Bet your frigg’n nipples it is. =^-^=

So, I’m all, DUDE!!!  This is me! XD

I don’t know how. (O.o)

I don’t know why. (o.O)

And I’m not quite ready to question it. (-_-)

But, inworld, my self is liberated.  My self is revealed.  My self is exposed (no nakie jokes, please =^-^=)  My self is there.   My “me”.  It’s wicked stuff.  This is my “me” and you can’t PAY me to change a thing that I haven’t already decided to change, myself.  =^-^=

Second Life is not interesting.  It’s a waste of time.  It has no meaning.  But… Real Life is pretty much like that just as much.  But, there is one thing that Second Life has that Real Life can’t.  It’s the “me” that I see myself and my self as.  Your mileage may vary.  (^_^)y

About Imnotgoing Sideways

I'm a Second Life avatar with my own cookie jar! (^_^)y
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2 Responses to Your Mileage May Vary. (^_^)y

  1. Tittertat says:


    i love your posts, just sayin’ :)

    thank you

  2. sandra says:

    Great stuff. Everyone is a prisoner of their RL body. Get a speck of dust in your eye for a few hours and you see what I mean. It’s disabling. Being freed of the prison of your body is, albeit imperfectly and temporarily, the wonder of Second Life and it is also the goal of all religions and spiritual practices. I like this very much Immy

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