So, I wrote a nastygram before going to bed. I do hope it shows that I’m not going to take back the onions or beliefs I’ve held all along.
See… That’s integrity to me. Some may call it stubborn. Some, hard headed. Like a mule, unmoving.
And, yah… I’m putting the smileys away for the moment. Don’t worry. It’s all still in me. =^-^=
I’m probably either impossible or blatantly simple to figure out. People have tried. Believe me, they’ve tried.
I’ve never had the ‘patterns’ that people would expect. I grew up going to counselor after counselor and taking numerous IQ, aptitude, and whatever tests. I never knew why. It just felt like every day life to me. I’m still not quite sure what they were trying to figure out. Whatever it is, they never found it and I wound up dropping out of school anyway. I was never a discipline or attendance issue. I just never really did anything but show up.
I guess… From the outside looking in… It appears that I’m riding on both sides of the tracks.
I’m wild, so it’s difficult to trust me.
I’m helpful, so it’s difficult to distrust me.
I’ve been suspected of being FBI, a Linden alt/mole/pigeon, a wanted criminal, a sex offender, underage, senior citizen…. you name it.
Actually, I seem quite polarizing… Just thinking about it right now. People who like me practically laud me. People who dislike me really lay it on thick. What few people I see as being neutral over me… Well, they seem to be the “don’t get me involved” types anyway.
Am I bad?
Am I good?
Am I honest?
Am I a liar?
Maybe all of the above… But, no more or less than anyone else. Everyone is special, so, so am I. But… I’m not ~THAT~ special that there’s a whole other pillar to place me on.
I guess… I’m just loud.
The squeaky wheel, you know?
I’m frigg’n Immy. (^_^)y
Right away, if you’re reading this, you have a certain degree of friendship/care/love/hate/fascination/obsession/fear over me. You have read over 300 words to get this far and probably spent a minute of your day to comprehend it.
I don’t know why.
But, thank you.
I appreciate a person like you. In many ways, I enjoy the attention and try to learn from it.
If you’re my friend, I have enjoyed spending my days with you. You have helped me relax. You have given me things to think about and consider. You have sparked ideas in me. You’re nice to me and fun to be around. I don’t want to let go of you. Thank you.
If you care, you have probably read this far without going tl/dr. Thank you. =^-^=
If you love me, hugs… I enjoy them. Lemmee know if we can get a hote…. Scratch that, sorries. (>_<) ... Thank you.
If you hate me, I appreciate the faults you find in me. Even if I disagree with most of them, I still find a certain degree of humility comes from the criticisms of people we just won't get along with. I assume everyone means well. I trust. So, when someone shoots vitriol my way, I'm quite sure they're doing it in confidence that they know what's right. I may not agree. I may find you delusional or flat-out telling lies. But, I still value your word in some way. Thank you.
If you are fascinated in me, uhm... Ohhkaaay. Thanks for reminding me that I'm weird enough to be your sideshow act. For reals. =^-^=
If you obsess over me, and, yes I do believe there are people who are doing so... Get a life. (^_^)y
If you fear me, and, yes I do believe there are people who do... What exactly are you afraid of? I hear words like "manipulation", "control", and "influence" coming out of you. Why? What makes you think so deeply about such valueless things? Why do you run? Why are you trying to silence me? What drives you to ban my presence from you? Do I really bring so much harm? Or, better yet, what do you have to hide that my presence may possibly reveal?
We’re all in it together, right? Maybe some more than others, but, here we are. Why the conflict? Why the drive to “control” and “influence”? Why not just step into the day and enjoy it?
Toil over what needs to be toiled. Savour what can be savoured. Find our favorite facets of ourselves and amplify them. Don’t expect everyone to like it. If it’s what you do best and it feels right, do it. Those that matter don’t mind. Those that mind don’t matter. Let’s do it now and do it loud. Such is life. (^_^)
It’s never our fault, is it? There’s almost always someone else to blame and scapegoat. It’s always the “them”.
That’s what they say.
They’re nothing but trouble.
I don’t trust them.
We can’t rely on them.
It’s us against them.
Who are they?
Are they always the same?
Are they the same for everyone?
Are they friendly to some and antagonistic to others? If so, how? Why?
Have you decided that you can’t get along with them due to something he or she did?
Does the fact that they get along with each other but not you lead you to believe they’re conspiring?
What did they ever do to you?
I’m just thinking out loud here. Not quite sure why. The return of a few friends recently sparked a lot of interest, debate, and controversy. People have pre-defined notions of how each of us is. Many are false. Most are stereotypical. And nearly none of them ever actually last. So, I see your pre-conceived bad person as a good person because I’ve actually talked to them.
Are we becoming a world of hermits?
I don’t know who my next door neighbors are. I’m shy, feel uncomfortable outside, and generally not prone to reaching out directly to anyone. But, they don’t reach out to me either. Are we so afraid of each other that every facet of our lives have to be lived behind the walls we used to guard ourselves from our neighbors? If so, why does that have to extended to virtual communication?
I can find an honest reason to be afraid of the scruffy late teen with a frown on his face and hands deeply set in his pockets. The image is that of a potential criminal. He is real, may have a weapon, and may do me great harm.
But, online? I understand being worried about theft, identity, and fraud. But, what other harm is possible? Frustration? Reputation? Zen?
Really, all this conflict confuses me. Moreso that I seem to be in the center of some of it. People are calling me a liar. I’m calling them liars. We all have our own version of the truth of the matter. At least, I can vouch for myself when I say that I trust every word that comes from me and I deny nothing. But, that’s taking my word for it. I am very permissive of people’s access to me. I’m very vocal. I’m quite defensive. I’m somewhat offensive. But… Isn’t everyone else?
I hear music.
It moves me.
Do you want to dance to the song? =^-^=