Myself and my self. (^_^)

Peoples are a lot of things, ain’t they? (^_^)

So, I’m poking around the blogorum today and spotted two surveys… And, bloody ICK do I dislike being guinea pig’d by surveys. DX

But, like… These were kind of cool. Each one targeted what considerations we make about our avatars. It got me to thinking. Y’know that’s gotta be a dangerous thing! XD

So, thinking about it… I’ve been saying this from the beginning: “Immy is my me that’s more “me” than I can be in real life.” (^_^)

That is to say… I see more of myself and my self in this “Immy” being than the creature which was formed by happenstance out here in the air we breathe. (^_^)

I poke at the idea once in a while. I mean… Just look at a picture of the brain. Really, what is that thing? How and why is it capable of processing so much information all at once? The 5 senses, sight, sound, touch, smell, and taste… Eat a slice of good crispy garlic bread. ALL 5 senses will be triggered. That’s a LOT to process all at once. Surely, my bloody AMD would chug at that rush of data. =^-^=

Now… Think about something that happened when you were 5 years old. I have a very clear image of things that happened in Kindergarten. The Chinese teacher who butchered the pronunciation of my name. A windy day that shattered a wobbly window in the classroom. The heavy red tricycles that kids could ride on as a reward for doing good in class. I’m all, like, DOOOOOOD! Where was that kept all this time? How can I so easily visualize each? There’s obviously far more goings on than blood pumping and jaw snapping. (^_^)

So, this ability is one of the things that make us who we are. But how do we fathom it? What part of “me” can still see something that happened decades ago? (O.o)

There is a me that still feels three feet tall, with a busted front tooth, and the little Huffy bicycle that aided me in the busting of said tooth. The physical version of that “me” was lost in time, long ago. But… It’s still me. I’m still here. In my mind, that part of me continues to exist as long as I’m still capable of remembering it. (^_^)

“Do you believe that your avatar is a graphical representation of yourself?”

That’s actually one heck of a thing to ask. Think about it… Do you think your body is a physical representation of yourself? Or, better. Do you think your body is a graphical representation of yourself? =^-^=

I mean it. Look at the thing. It’s the old “I think, therefore I am.” stuff. When you’re asleep and dreaming, is your mind all that aware of your physical body? You’re still experiencing something. Your self is in action in some way, just, not physical. (^_^)

So, in come avatars. Every avatar is something for each person. All the way from “I got a custom shape and skin so that my avatar reflects the real me as much as possible” to “It’s just a game. I’ll make it look cool and that’s all.” (^_^)

I see my avatar as something which is no different from my own body. That is to say, I am “Immy”. Physically, I’m by no means the scrubby little crud. But, mentally, I’m all there. (^_^)

I mean…

Ain’t that the most coy little b**ch you’ve ever seen? =^-^=

Now, think about my forum posts and inworld behaviour. Coy little b**ch, indeed, no? =^-^=

Makes me think about an Alan Watts recording I heard before… Where he talks about your body. Why do people say “I have a body” as if it’s property… Almost a third party object in conversation. Rarely does anyone say “I am a body”. (^_^)

Well… “I have an avatar” in Second Life. But, can’t “I am an avatar” be just as valid? Maybe it’s easy to laugh at or point out some twisted priorities, but, “I am a body”… Remember? =^-^=

That picture that I posed above… It’s my current profile picture inworld and on forums. I think about it once in a while. Sometimes I’ll spark and say “Holy FSK’n schzt, that’s ME!” XD

Over time, I started to gather that I unconsciously put quite a bit of symbolism into it. (^_^)

For one, I’m naked. Bearing all. Out in the open and somewhat vulnerable. Sounds pretty familiar, no? (^_^)

I’m also covering myself, but, not with arbitrary clothing as much as I’m actively covering my breasts with my hands. So, while I’m open and bearing all, I still have my guards up, but not bound by the typical fleecings of society. Y’all know I’ve crossed lines quite a few times. I can’t hold my hands up forever, you know? (^_^)

My back is turned. I’m not exactly facing you. I’m distracted. I space out a lot. So, me being distracted is pretty much normalcy. =^-^=

But! I’m still eyeing you with my coy b**ch face. I know you’re there. Do you like what you see? Well, you ain’t bloody gett’n it, mufuggah! (^_^)

So, is this “Immy” a graphical representation of me? Yes and no. Or, at least, not any more or less than the meatsack that’s out here behind the keyboard. And, if SL ever shuts or I’m required to leave in one way or another, that side of me will be lost. I can make other characters elsewhere, but, they won’t exactly be “Immy”. In time, they’ll become my “me”, but, things won’t be the same. (^_^)

Immy is in me, and she’s got to get out. Thanks to a virtual world, that coy little b**tch has a home! (^_^)y

About Imnotgoing Sideways

I'm a Second Life avatar with my own cookie jar! (^_^)y
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5 Responses to Myself and my self. (^_^)

  1. brinda Allen says:

    Along with trikes, and broken windows, and garlic bread, and SL, and Benares you will always be Immy in my thoughts……………and for me…that’s what counts!

  2. I think a big part of the reality of places like SL is coming to conclusions like that. You start making avatars for whatever reason and then realize that they really are you.

    It’s all ‘in there,’ and it’s all ‘out there.’ :-)

    My current profile pic is taken from a machinima a friend made: http://www.flickr.com/photos/lim_fanfan/3892831904/ So an avatar I made interpreted as a work a friend made. :-)

  3. sandra says:

    The expression, the pose, the lighting, your avatar looks like a Vermeer (I am not a great art expert but I think it’s Vermeer).

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