Before I start…
Yeah… That. (-_-)
Silly video. Good for a laugh. But, it’s here for a reason. (>_<)
I sort of wonder what introverts did before the internet. Actually, not really. I remember. When I was a kid, my days rotated around listening to music, fixing the old radio, watching movies, fixing the old VCR, video games, fixing the old console, and sorting out what can be built from the computer junk that I pick up. (._.)
Actually… I still have a few. A PCjr, 386, and 486… All still functional. All suffering the Y2K bug. (>_<)
I picked up the guitar somewhere around 15 or 16. That got fun for a while. I still have my first. Picked up more instruments over time, as money and space allowed. (-_-)
Anyway, yeah… Self occupation. The demonspawn of an introvert and time. (._.)
That’s been okay for a while. Actually for quite a long time.
Even my marriage involved introversion as a catalyst. Someone who pitied me due to my very consistent and routine under-eating and far-back-distant-corner presence in the break room. I’m not sure if it could have happened any other way.
But, now we have internet. I remember being on AOL chat rooms, not knowing what to say and just watching the words scroll by. Wasn’t very good there. I never had an image of who would want to chat with me, so, I found it best that I didn’t interfere.
Email helped a lot. Both of my jobs involved communication with Email. If I had to make a phone call… I’d probably still be unemployed.
Telephone… My nemesis.
Telephones are in our pockets now. For any minute of any given day, we’re at the beck of anyone who knows our ‘number’. Whatever your ringtone may be, it’s your personal indicator that you must communicate via contraption NOW! Even if it is only about the cat piddling in the hallway.
Talking is so yesterday, though. Now we chat.
BBS, newsgroups, Geocities, forums, blogs, Myspace, Twitter, Plurk, Facebook…
Facebook…
4 or 5 years ago I started coming to the realization that my life involved me never leaving my room… Except for work and groceries. I looked into online gaming and found whatever was available to be a stress. Too much hack&slash, view everyone as a threat, spawncamping, and so on. I found it bad for my health. The stress levels made me physically ill.
Sony promised Playstation Home. A virtual environment where people can meet. Almost like a game, but, not a game. No levels, simulated combat, or creatures to defeat.
Delayed…
I joined Second Life for a while. AGP graphics at the time. My computer was being overwhelmed. I try to ride it out and meet some people inworld. Faced only with dislike and confrontation, I quit. My attempt at being social failed.
Come back a half year later and forgot my password. Made a new account and got along with people better. It seemed to work out just fine. Particularly compared to before.
I’ve made quite a few friends. Good, supportive, and close friends. A far better claim than I can make about my RL counterpart. But, nearly everyone I’ve met so far has no intereset in meeting me. What happens behind avatars, stays behind avatars. So, I can’t hear the accents I’m so deeply fascinated in. No faces. No names. Just attributes of an avatar and the infrequent claim that somone looks just like their avatar.
So, how do I expand from here/there?
I’m already blogging. Twitter. Plurk… So, I’m sharing quite a bit in hope that someone who matches my style can hook up with me. Desperate? Lonely? Sure, why not?
Once in a while, I get advice about using what I’ve ‘learned’ in SL to augment my social skills in RL. Thing is, much of what I do in SL already reflects the flaws of my RL nature. So… Online RL contacts should work, no?
So, I set up a Facebook profile, and it sits blank. I don’t actually know anybody
Wondering what I’m doing wrong, I ask inworld… I’m not offering friendships to anyone.
So, I pick a profile and click the Add As Friend button. I get this rather stark sounding popup asking “Do youknow this person?”… Well, no, I don’t. So, I can’t bring myself so go ahead with it.
Wondering what I’m doing wrong, I ask inworld… I’m too worried about rejection. Just go through with adding.
Not wanting my adds to be total strangers, I pick out a few recognizable names from SL.
When I face little luck there, I start joining groups and sending “like”s to things.
I found, in the group screen, I can open up a popup that lists everyone with each profile having the “Add as friend” button to the right. So, click-click-click, sure, yeah, whatever… I’ll say I know the person since I’m risking it anyway.
After a minute or so of that I start getting “Blocking to avoid abuse” popups. So, I click to go to my profile, but, I don’t… I find I’ve been logged out by an admin. While logging back in, I’m stuck with answering a few questions asking me if I understand how to properly use the service.
Day goes by with a couple acceptances and some additional offers. Flying though things. Seems to be productive… But, I was playing it like a button mashing game.
Like that video I embedded above. I made a lot of noise, sort of accomplished what I was after, but in the flow of it all I made a mess of things and the end result was far from what was expected.
I dove into murky and unfamiliar waters head-first. There was shrapnel just beneath the surface. This is going to leave permanent scars.
I looked at the situation a bit and see what I had missed and where I went wrong. What ever my hopes were for in this endeavor, I wound up going a whole other direction. Being a failed experiment, I simply killed the subject. I deleted my account. I don’t know what inertia the situation had, so, cutting things completely seemed the most reasonable thing to do.
But, that’s just it… Extreme socialization. When online, things can move at the speed of light. Far beyond what our logic and apprehension can manage.
I’m left wondering; how social should I really try to be?
Have I done enough in SL to occupy myself along with others?
Does it really matter if I have RL friends or not?
Is it healthy for me to stay in this room?
Is socialization worth the risks at all?
Are there people who simply shouldn’t socialize?
Am I one of them?
i sitll think this one is better
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sf8cM7f6P2I
but yeah… i dont think you did anything truely wrong in facespace. truely i found in order to go to some place on the internet, you have to follow there rules you have to follow there “social contract” or else they will eat you up. spit you out. you just didnt know what was considered acceptable. but my personal opinions of facebook are… well… i hate it. been calling it facespace for a while now. it truely is the most impersonal thing onthe internet. asking you to put personal information about yourself where anyone can access it. its all i need is someone to delve into my personal life that closeley without actually knowing me. its something that employers do often nowadays to see if they have a proper employee. it is quite discusting.
Make two piles: 1) The things that cause problems, and 2) the things that don’t cause problems.
Take pile 1 and make two piles out of it: A) The things that are important to you and B) the things that aren’t really that important.
Toss 1B.
Working at being social is a mistake, I think. Instead, take the advice of Dr. Timothy Leary: Find The Others.
There’s only one thing for it Immy. You are going to have to write a book
Oh, one thing i forgot. I am guessing you haven’t tried the magic ingredient of most RL social life: alcohol.
I’m one of those freaky “goody two-shoes” people. No drinking, smoking, drugs. Virgin until marriage. I don’t even use Aspirin, cough syrup, or drink Coke or Pepsi. Collectively, I’m quite the loser. (._.)
As I thought and it explains a lot. I’m not surprised you feel a total outsider. Normally the only people who try to live without any chemical aids are very dull vegetarian country ramblers or those on a spiritual path. I think you are on the latter without knowing it. It’s a lonely road but a loser’s road, I don’t think so.
If you put a sign on a building that says “school”, does it make it a school? A school is a school because the ground is sacred. A basement in a burned out building in Afghanistan where girls are taught upon risk of death is a school. The ground has been sanctified by the commitment to pass on the wisdom of the ages from one generation to the next.
Just because you say you’re a loser, doesn’t make you a loser. Loser means stuck and you’re not stuck. You’re growing and reaching out and questioning old assumptions. Lose the loser idea. You’re an interesting person. Fascinating even. People would be thrilled to have you for a friend.
Make a vow to yourself. Take yourself to have and to hold. Treat yourself like you’re sacred. Get your hair done. Get out of your room and get some fresh air and exercise. You’re worth it.