That’s how things feel right now. Heavy.
Gladly I’m treading water just above my usual self-destructive rut. I’m not feeling well, but, I’m also not looking longingly at sections of rope.
My friendships, what they were, I still don’t know how to handle. No matter what I do, I still think about the people who were right here with me for 3 years, only to part ways in 1 day. It’s not what I wanted, but they’re being firm. I clearly have no say in the matter from here on out.
Then comes the question of ‘who’s next’?
A lot of people are being friendly but for some reason I haven’t found friends yet. I appreciate everyone and their kindness but I don’t know who to take in like I did in the past. So far, I simply remain afraid of everyone.
I’ve been using group chats and forums as an outlet, but, those are all superficial links with people. Not unlike co-workers. There because they’re there and no real solid bond.
I’m seeing other friends dealing with such loss and confusion. I don’t have a clear mental snapshot of all that’s going on, but I smell hostility. Unneeded hostility. Something that only adds more weight to an already heavy situation.
I can only assume.
I just felt like I had something to say.
I’m not quite sure if I’ve said anything just now.
I’ll post it anyway.