Where I stand right now, I have two kinds of friendships.
1) People I keep at a distance and barely attempt to relate to.
2) People I got close to… Too close… So close that they’ve grown to resent me and have since cut off all ties.
So, with my close friends gone, I’m left alone. But, not alone. But, still feeling alone. The people who will still talk with me are distant. I can’t find anything in common. I can’t find a way or reason to attach to them like I did my last circle of close friends.
Really, I want my old close friends back. I miss them and I think about them every waking moment of the day. We shared so much and did so many things. Suddenly, one too many dramas and I’m kicked to the curb by the lot of them.
I don’t expect them to come back. But, how can I find another friendship like I had with them? Everyone I know now is happy to be distanced from me and I’m afraid to hurt people again.
Is it possible for me to find and keep this kind of relationship?
For now; I have my internet, my meds, and my cat. I feel fine in spite of constantly wondering about things passed. I have friends to a limit. I want to break that limit and be close to someone again.
No clue what to do.