Can I?

Where I stand right now, I have two kinds of friendships.
1) People I keep at a distance and barely attempt to relate to.
2) People I got close to… Too close… So close that they’ve grown to resent me and have since cut off all ties.

So, with my close friends gone, I’m left alone. But, not alone. But, still feeling alone. The people who will still talk with me are distant. I can’t find anything in common. I can’t find a way or reason to attach to them like I did my last circle of close friends.

Really, I want my old close friends back. I miss them and I think about them every waking moment of the day. We shared so much and did so many things. Suddenly, one too many dramas and I’m kicked to the curb by the lot of them.

I don’t expect them to come back. But, how can I find another friendship like I had with them? Everyone I know now is happy to be distanced from me and I’m afraid to hurt people again.

Is it possible for me to find and keep this kind of relationship?

For now; I have my internet, my meds, and my cat. I feel fine in spite of constantly wondering about things passed. I have friends to a limit. I want to break that limit and be close to someone again.

No clue what to do.

About Imnotgoing Sideways

I'm a Second Life avatar with my own cookie jar! (^_^)y
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2 Responses to Can I?

  1. Ferd says:

    Glad to see you are feeling normal again. And like me, my ‘normal’ is not like other peoples ‘normal’.

    You also have your Avatar…. Look at her, look at yourself, and look at her again. Want to be her? If you were her right now, you would be looking at the real Immy and thinking “OMG, it’s made out of meat!” She isn’t, but you are, so go back in-world or plurk or go take over #SecondLies role and express yourself as only a provocative meat popsicle like YOU can do.

    What you are experiencing, my friend, is life. We all have moods, we all have out secrets and insecurities, and not one of us is normal, except that 80% of us think that we are above average. If we were all average, we would have one testicle and one ovary. Therefore most of us are 80% nuts.

    /me kicks the dog away that is peeing on my leg, and then pets your kitty cat until it purrs.

    I’m riding a horse.

  2. Llarian says:

    Small steps. And facing the fear inside that makes you declare defeat before you’ve even tried. You might be surprised at the result.

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