A little story. I am product of a teen pregnancy. Mom was still in high school and dad had graduated a year or two prior. They married and mom graduated in hope they’d be able to raise me in a family.
They divorced before I was 1.
So, I was raised by my grandmother. Mom moved far north. Dad worked the tugboats and was much more of a party animal than a parent. And there were still two teen aunties living at home.
Basically, I had legos, broken VCRs, an old record player, and a Nintendo to take care of me while I was growing up.
But, that was that. I grew up healthy, left high school early, and wound up very successful in the manufacturing industry. A certain someone felt a lot of pity for the loner who had a PB&J with Mug rootbeer every day and started bringing food. So, I latch on and get married….. WAY too young as I’ve now recently sorted out.
Long story short, I reached 2009 with no social life, a dysfunctional marriage, and a dependency on electronics, anime, games, and gadgets to be my soothing ‘friends’. It was fine. I knew no better.
Eventually I join SL and make friends. Tumultuous friendships with lots of drama, pushing, breaking, re-joining, and so on. I looked at my friendships and didn’t know why I was having such a tough time getting along. I looked at my marriage and didn’t know why I never actually felt connected with this person.
Then I ask a co-worker for information about what would happen with my paycheck, credit bills, and other finances if I were to kill myself.
That blew over like a fart in church.
So I was on disability for a while and continue drugs and therapy with a recent conclusion that I have Borderline Personality Disorder. My past and present read almost like official documentation on the subject. I won’t go into detail and only suggest reading the Wikipedia page on the condition.
Do I blame anyone? No. Though, I have the constant urge to blame myself. Am I getting better? Maybe. I’m afraid only my friends can tell. And, those who are my friends now are genuinely true. I have dragged them through hell and back and they’re still right here. They’ve been helping me find me all along.