A few days have passed so far since my rage.
At this point, I believe I have lost about 6 friends. I miss them already and want them back. But both the humiliation over how things turned out and me convincing myself that they’re better off without me… It works against.
I’m afraid I have to start from scratch. Or, just be alone again. I don’t know which is better. I fear that I’m going to have a tough time finding people with anything in common with me. The group I lost just now just barely had things to talk about as-is.
Between personalities, dress codes, time zones, and what-have-you… I think I’m doomed.
I had friends close. I threw them away. I wish I were selfish enough to make them stay. But, to stay with me means dealing with an uncontrolled beast of a personality.
I don’t know what to do.
Should I wait until I’m cured of this screwed up mind before I start socializing again?
It was suggested to me to develop a foundation for support from family and friends. But, given how badly I abuse both, how can I be expected to do that? Who would be willing to put up with this? It’s now been proven to me that even the people who know me most are better off without me. Is there a point to trying anymore?
I don’t know what I can do.
I really don’t know what I need to do.
I even just barely grasp what I want to do.
I don’t like the way things are now. But, what I like doesn’t matter when so many people are being harmed.
I don’t know.
