I sent an apology letter out to the friends I had raged on last week. \u00a0I’m not expecting much in response. \u00a0It’s a wonder they lasted this long. \u00a0So far one opened back up to me on Gtalk and one wrote a letter in reply.<\/p>\n
The letter was fairly harsh. \u00a0That is to say; harsh yet fair. \u00a0It expressed some truths about why people are in SL. \u00a0If I had known someone who behaved as I did, I’d likely say the same.<\/p>\n
So, that’s what gets me thinking…<\/p>\n
Why would anyone want a friend with a personality disorder?<\/p>\n
My first thought is that they didn’t know. \u00a0Nobody knew. \u00a0So when things started taking shape, people came to the realization ‘this is not for me’. \u00a0But, really, it wasn’t a mystery to be discovered. \u00a0I disclosed my diagnosis on the day I got it. \u00a0From that point on, everyone had the opportunity to decide what to do with me now that the picture has become clear.<\/p>\n
There is a lot of information for people who wish to be friends with someone who has BPD. \u00a0Much of it splits between “Get out! Stop punching yourself! Run away!” and “Coddle like you would for a lost kitten.”<\/p>\n
But, what’s the sensible thing to do? \u00a0How does someone expect to find even footing with a person who is known to have hurtful and damaging behaviour patterns? \u00a0I don’t see the logic.<\/p>\n
Then comes the “They weren’t friends anyway” feedback. \u00a0Like hell they weren’t. \u00a0I don’t understand the talk about ‘fair weather friends’ I’m getting from others. \u00a0You don’t expect them to enjoy being abused day-in and day-out, right?<\/p>\n
Then again, I don’t even understand what “friend” means yet anyway. \u00a0Everybody is different. \u00a0This single word description isn’t the piece to complete the puzzle. \u00a0Why do people have friends? \u00a0Why would they want friends who hurt them? \u00a0Are friends closer than I assume or further?<\/p>\n
Thanks to my actions, my friends are further than ever. \u00a0Being in my presence is simply a painful experience and not the reason they go online and inworld. \u00a0Does that make them “not friends”? \u00a0I like them a lot. \u00a0I still want to see them. \u00a0But, to see them is to harm them. \u00a0So, it’s better for me to stay away. \u00a0But, is that a friendship? \u00a0What kind of friendship is it that the best thing I can do for those I like is to leave them alone?<\/p>\n
I don’t know what I should expect out of a friendship. \u00a0“Your perception of reality is so warped you’re\u00a0incapable\u00a0of having friends.” is probably one of the cruelest things I’ve had told to me in a long time. \u00a0But, is it true? \u00a0If so, why would anyone want to deal with this?<\/p>\n
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I sent an apology letter out to the friends I had raged on last week. \u00a0I’m not expecting much in response. \u00a0It’s a wonder they lasted this long. \u00a0So far one opened back up to me on Gtalk and one … Continue reading